Like most people I've struggled with self love for as long as I can remember. It's probably the thing that has made it the hardest for me to stay away from toxic relationships and situations, and to not allow myself to go after the things I really wanted. It's limited what I thought I deserved to have in my life, what I felt I could get and it's most certainly had a massive influence on how I treated myself.
A few days ago I decided to write a love letter of sorts to myself. It was the hardest thing I've done in a long time so I realise I have some work to do in the self love area. I'm going to keep writing love letters to myself until I gets easier. In the mean time, below is the first love letter I've ever written to myself.
Have you ever written a love letter to yourself?
Do you still struggle with loving yourself?
We go back a long time you and I, we’ve been together a life time, and we share so much. You and I are connected in ways no two other people are and ever will be. We’ve been through highs and lows, love and heartbreak, success and failure…..I haven’t always been as supportive of you and as loving towards you as I should have been and as you deserve. In fact, there have been many times when I’ve been your harshest critic.
I’ve left you out there in the cold when you needed warmth. I’ve fed you lies in an attempt to make you become something you’re not making you believe you’re not enough just the way you are. I’ve let you stay around people who were no good for you and who used you. I didn’t take care of you when you needed it the most. I’ve blamed you when things have gone wrong. I left you trying to find love in all the wrong places when it should have been me you could come to, always, when you needed it. I’ve made you feel guilty and ashamed of who you are. I was the one who should have been here for you, hugged you and held you through the hard times, and reassured you that you had nothing to fear, that I would always be there for you no matter what but I wasn’t.
I should have told you how much I really love you. I should have told you how amazing you are. I should have looked at you with love in my eyes so that you could begin to see how beautiful and amazing you are, what a miracle you are. You’re an amazing person yet I think I’ve actually never told you that, I’ve never told you how I really feel about you deep down inside, how deep my love for you really is.
You’re so strong. You’ve conquered so much in life and I struggle to remember how you did it even though I was there the whole time. I wasn’t paying attention to how great you were facing adversity and setback, how many times you stood back up after falling, and how you find ways to give love even when your heart had been broken. I took for granted that you would just do it and that I didn’t need to give you anything.
I almost lost you. Now I realise that you deserve so much better from me, that I have let you down and that I’m the one who need to ask you for forgiveness. I should have protected you. I should have had your back. Most of all I should have told you and showed you just how much I really love you and value you just the way you are. I should have told you how great I think you are.
I’m sorry I failed you. I’m sorry I was one of the ones that hurt you. I’m sorry I was so harsh on you and so judgemental.
I love you. I love you more than I love anything or anyone else in this world. You are everything to me.
I promise you that from now on I will do my best to give you the love the that you need and deserve. I promise you that I will wake up every morning and feel grateful that it’s you I get to spend the day with. I promise you that I will be supportive and that I will do my best to make sure you know just how great and amazing and beautiful a person you are. I will be there for you. I will stand by you. I will not leave your side again and I will defend and protect you.
I love you, always and forever. Nothing can ever change that.